Under the influence of hormones...

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Beware I am under the influence of hormones and I am doing daily monitoring appointments now. So far my experience with IVF hasn't been that bad. I have been getting good reports on my growing follicles and giving the shots each night hasn't been that awful. However, yesterday disappointment reared its ugly head again. I thought my HCG trigger was going to be last night and I was mentally preparing myself for a Saturday, April 2nd egg retrieval. But then I got that dreaded phone call from my nurse that said one more day of shots and come back in the morning for ultrasound and blood work. I thought I was going to jump out of my skin, one more day of ultrasound and blood work! That is not what I wanted to hear. Then I realized that the only thing I wanted was to be in control and I wanted this whole process to be over. I am beginning to realize how much I love being in control. I have controlled everything in my life up until this point. It is all out of my control. How will my body responds to the drugs? How many eggs will they retrieve? Will the eggs fertilize? Will this be a successful cycle? Will I get pregnant? It is all out of my control. I don't have the answers and I just have to wait and see how this story plays out. Disappointment is a right of passage while doing IVF I am convinced. It is like running a marathon and trying to get to the end and seeing the finish line but it is still 5 miles ahead. I still have 5 more miles to go before I see how this story ends or cycle ends.

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