Living In The Moment


I am learning to live in the moment.

I am learning to keep my mind filled with positive thoughts.
I am watching Funniest Home Videos and sitting beside my husband right now. I am grateful.

Emotional Rollercoaster

I have been on an emotional roller coaster since learning the news about IVF.

My stomach is in knots most days. I haven't been able to really function. It is always on my mind. The "what ifs" the guilt and the questions.


I wish I could make it all stop. But it is just the beginning. I wish I could live a "normal" life and go through this process. But I think I gave up being "normal" a long time ago. I am seeing a counselor and that is helping. However, I am struggling with staying positive. I feel so negative, so helpless, and so not myself anymore. This is by far my hardest struggle of my life. From the time I was a little girl I knew that I wanted to be a mother. All of my Barbies were pregnant and I would pretend to be pregnant by stuffing my shirts to make a pregnant belly. My poor parents where probably horrified! Hahaha. When someone would ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up? My response was a mother and the president.

I dearly hope my dream of being a mother comes true. I will cherish every moment with my child. I know in my heart that I will make a wonderful mother. I have such a big heart! I know I do. But I have to say that the anger and resentment flowing through my veins recently has made me question my loving heart. It has made me question everything about myself.



I am going to end with a positive thought. I know that I will be a wonderful mother regardless of how I become a mother whether it is with IVF or adoption. I was built and destined to be a mother. This much I know is true.

Taggies

More items to add to my future wish list for the baby.

Isn't this the cutest elephant?

Retail cost is $20 and I will be buying this item new when the time comes.


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I also like this blanket too.
Retail cost is $24.95 and this is also an item I would purchase brand new.


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If you are interested, here is a link to the Taggies Shop: http://www.taggies.com/cgi-bin/estore/list_catalog.

Mountain of Balloons

I think this is such a cute idea for a child's birthday or for someone young at heart!


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Make a mountain of balloons. An hour or so before your birthday child awakes, inflate a bunch of balloons and fill his or her bedroom floor with a rainbow of balloons.

I just loved this idea.

Planning

The one good part of the IVF process that I am going to enjoy is being able to plan for the baby. Currently, I am searching for all of the products that I want to get. I will not buy any of this stuff until I am pregnant but it can't hurt to dream and plan while I have the luxury of time and money. I know both of these will be very limited once the baby arrives.

The first item on my wish list is a Bumbo Seat.

Parents rave about the Bumbo Seat, saying that their babies really enjoy being able to sit up and look around from a fairly young age.


Pros

Allows baby to sit up and see what's going on at an early age.
Easily washable.
Portable and lightweight.

Cons
Baby may not enjoy the seat once he or she is mobile.
Older babies can arch their backs and tip out of the seat.
Some packaging shows Bumbo Seats being used on tables or counters, which is not safe.
Costs a lot for a simple baby seat.

Retail cost is around $40 but I plan to purchase a used aqua colored one from eBay.


Kindle

I love my Kindle it is one of the best inventions in my opinion. But I keep telling my husband that I want an iPad too. A nurse, the other day, even said that I could go into sales at Amazon because I was so convincing about purchasing a Kindle.



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While I was in the doctor's office, I whipped out my Kindle and browsed for books about IVF and I found this one:

I liked the book because she writes and communicates like you are a close friend and she completely understands the anxiety and emotions surrounding IVF.

Last night, I did make the mistake of reading it before bed and I was wired. I couldn't get to sleep for over an hour. It was as if I consumed five cups of coffee. Note to self do not read IVF books before bed.

This book fulfills my first item on my to do list.



Compensated Links Used In Post

To Do List

I am a list person and I love being organized. Organization equals peace of mind for me.


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First, on my to do list for IVF is:

1. Learn everything I can about the IVF process.

I am completely new to this. I have known other couples who did IVF but I never in my wildest dreams thought that I would be joining their camp. But I am here now so I am going to make the best of it.

The Appointment

We had a doctor's appointment today to determine our pregnancy options.

The drive to the appointment was difficult. I could feel myself clinching the steering wheel the entire one hour drive!

What did we find out?

That we will need to do IVF in order to get pregnant. This one statement has changed everything for me and us.

And so began my emotional roller coaster about this process.



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This blog is intended to be a journal for me to remember this chapter in our lives and also to share our journey with others. I sincerely hope that this blog can be a place of comfort and joy for all to read. This is just yet another chapter in my life and it all began with one appointment on June 3, 2010.
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